Raising Father
I knew the day would surely come
but I didn't think it would be this soon.
You're taking care of everyone else,
but not doing what's right for you.
Making promises you can't keep;
Making exchanges with others
for money not yours.
What am I to do?
You're still so headstrong and independent,
yet, follies are following where you go.
When do I take full command?
When do I allow you free choice?
You're still young, only 75, but
I am graying over the escapades and omissions of truth.
I love you, Dad!
I want you to be free!
But how do I know when you need my help?
How do I know?
This poem was written 12 yrs ago. My father will be 87 in July. So many things have transpired since I wrote this poem.
I have gone through cancer and survived. We have gone through 3 horribly destructive hurricanes one right after the other. I have traveled to Turkey twice in that time span and anticipate another trip in the future.
As for my dad... He is very energetic, still mowing lawns for the people in the mobile home park where he lives; still coming to the house on weekends for dinner and to watch football, and give Barbara a hard time about her teams. He is still living on his own, microwaving meals I have prepared for him and cooking a few of his own.
We have given him the options of moving in with us (though we keep the house very cool and we have a cat, and he hates cats). My brother in Tennessee has asked him to move there but it is much too cold for him and my sister has asked him to move with her but they live too far out in the boonies, and it does get cool up there. He enjoys where he lives; his neighbors; watching out the windows to see who is pulling into a parking space where they are not allowed; and mowing his lawns.
But during the past 12-13 yrs, I have watched my daddy slowing down; getting weaker; more ornery; his temperment is changing; his quiet, slow to anger personality is also changing.
In the past years, he has had to have a defibrillator inserted into his chest because his pulse drops too low. He has more and more doctors' appointments. His knees hurt him so much that now he gets regular shots of cortisone every few months. Recently he needed to have his defibrillator repaired since it kept sounding an alarm and scaring dad 1/2 to death.
But the few events which have really "slowed him down" and lowered his morale are the fact that he has macular degeneration in both eyes. He has had cataracts removed but it did not improve his sight. He went to renew his drivers' license and was told he needed a letter from his opthamologist stating he could see good enough to drive....He could not identify the largest letter on the chart!! So, much to his chagrine but by HIS choice, he gave up driving in July. He sold his truck (which he loved) to my brother. He now must either have me taxi him around or call for the county transportation bus to take him to his doctors' visits. Tomorrow we go to a retinal doctor to see if injections into his eyes will increase his sight. The doctor does not think it will help, but "it is worth the try".
Because he is now "legally blind" and can no longer drive, he feels he is becoming a burden. On the weekends he either gets the bus to our home or we pick him up and bring him here and then after dinner transport him back home.
He is walking now with a cane because of his knees plus his diabetic neuropathy in his feet and lower legs. He has pain in his feet or numbness at all times.
Dad's attitude, which I can understand, has gone from mild mannered and joking to crankiness, anger, and feeling helpless. He has begun cleaning out his belongings "so you kids don't have much to go through when I am gone". Hearing him talk like this and seeing the man I had never seen angry until now, is breaking my heart.
I told my mother, almost 20 yrs ago, when she was dying of cancer, I would take care of daddy. I would make sure he had food and that he was not forgotten. I have fulfilled my promise to her. We have many family gatherings, he is with Barbara and I every weekend, we go to dinner or I cook and we take him home different ways so he can "see" how our county is growing and changing.
I am now the Power of Attorney for him. I tell the doctors, when he is unable to speak, which direction they should proceed. I am making out all his checks and paying all his bils., This infuriates him because it was something he enjoyed doing himself. He has a "scooter" which he rides on the sidewalks to go to the grocery store, but with his eyesight (shadows only), I am not sure how long he will be able to proceed.
My father was a strong, work-aholic truck driver. From the time he was 10, he was driving trucks with his dad in Pennsylvania. He helped my pappy with a moving and hauling business until it succumbed to the economy. He worked for Wheaton Van Lines for many years, moving families back and forth across the country. He loved his workl
When we moved to Florida, my mom gave him an ultimatum.....he had to give up being gone all the time or "else". He took a job in a warehouse (where he could still see the trucks). He crated items for storage and for moves; he went into mansions and packed up people from Palm Beach so they could be moved to another mansion in another part of the USA. He worked this job until one day while on a forklift, he fell 14 feet onto his back. He was purple from top to bottom, in the hospital for a week and forced into retirement.
From that point on, he was the "mower man" for the mobile home park. He mowed for those who could pay him $8 a mow, but he also mowed for those who could not pay at all.
I watched my dad age significantly after 2 major life altering events: the death of his wife of 43 yrs in 1995 and then in 2001, the suicide of my 19 yr old nephew. It broke my heart to see him "begin" to die those days.
Since then, he mows some, but in the evenings if there are no games on, he listens to Gospel music, singing along; he reads his Bible through each year (but now has audio tapes of the Bible since he cannot read) and he prays for all his family members every night.
Holidays seem to get harder for him, perhaps because financially, he is limited or perhaps because he knows each holiday could be his last one.
It breaks my heart to watch such a vibrant man slowing down and seemingly, giving up as if preparing himself for death. For 20 yrs I have taken care of this man, in his home, in my home, in the hospital; I have bought him groceries, cooked for him and taxi'd him to appointments. I have enjoyed him; laughed with him (and at him sometimes); and I have been frustrated as hell with him (or maybe with the fact that he is changing so much). I realize I am not the only one who goes through these things, but HE is the only earthly father I have.... and I love him very much.