I am having a sleepless night and watching "A Christmas Carol", which got me thinking about a Christmas past I remember most from my childhood.
My father was an over-the-road truck driver. He would load people's furniture and belongings and take them to their new homes in his 18 wheeler. He loved driving semi's but my mother did not. She was left at home raising 4 kids by herself. Dad would work and work, and any money he made would have to be put into repairing his truck so he could take the next trip. My mom received $25-50 from each trip which would pay for meals and gasoline for her car and any health necessities. I was raised wearing "hand me down" clothing from my cousins. It wasn't until I was 16 and was baptized and joined the Mennonite church that I got a white suit, white pumps and a white hat. I thought I was a princess. For Christmas we would get clothing my mom sewed from chicken feed bags which held pretty designs. My sister, mom and I would have matching dresses and my 2 brothers would have matching shirts and slacks she had sewed as well. We would also receive 1 game, little trinkets in our stockings along with tangerines, oranges, apples, and candy. We might get something more expensive if dad did not have truck trouble. BUT we could always count on Grandma and grandpa to add to our list of gifts and they were generous.
One Christmas I particularly remember, brought a new meaning to Christmas for my siblings and myself. Dad had been gone for a week or so and had gotten stuck in a snow storm but was pushing through until his truck broke down. He did not have the money to have the truck fixed or to take a bus home or a plane home (which he hated to do). Christmas Eve, dad called my mom to inform her that he would not be home for Christmas. From the point of the phone call until we went to bed, my mom curled up on the sofa and cried and cried and cried. We didn't know what to do to cheer her and the only thing which would have cheered her was to have my dad home from Christmas and he was in Indiana. We were blanketed in snow in Pennsylvania.
My 3 siblings about my age got together and decided to put on a play for mom....the birth of the Christ Child. We put on our bathrobes to be shepherds; made paper crowns to be the 3 kings and my little brother (about 3 yrs old) was the Baby Jesus. We read the Christmas story from the book of the Gospel Luke. We sang Christmas carols. We did everything we could to show mom what Christmas really was all about. She already knew that, but crying was all she could do. We ended our program with a prayer asking God to protect dad, dry mom's tears and help us to have a good Christmas Finally, we got ready for bed knowing we had failed in our efforts.
The next morning, we came downstairs to eat breakfast. Our tradition was to eat breakfast (a tangerine or orange from our stocking), then we had to go back to our rooms and change into our church clothes because after we opened gifts, we would go to church and then to my grandparents' home for a big family get together. We were not allowed to go into the "tree room" because no one could peek until we were all dressed.
We ate and changed quickly. We were very anxious to see what we had gotten from Santa (he spent more money that our parents). My mom had the movie camera ready with great big lights shining in our eyes. We walked into the living room and at the tree. What really caught our eyes however, was my father sitting on the sofa. Mom was smiling ear to ear and so was dad. How excited we were to have dad home. It seems he told the people who owned the company for which he worked, learned of his plight and paid for a plane flight home in the middle of the night. Our prayers had been answered. I didn't matter the gifts we received because we had our daddy home and mom was happy.
Christmas present: today (or soon to be Christmas) My father is still with us. He is 88 yrs old. Mom has been gone 21 yrs now. Dad has had to move in with us because he is legally blind, off balance, and must have someone take care of his medications for him. It has been a difficult year learning to live with a parent again, and difficult for him as well, living with a daughter who is now his care giver. I wanted Christmas to be so special because last year I had pneumonia for 4 wks and dad was in the hospital and then rehab for 5 wks. He is very stubborn and set in his ways. I love him dearly but honestly, I have a hard time sometime learning to walk the line between caregiver and daughter. In addition, I have health issues which hinder my walking due to extreme pain in my back and hips. Mentally, with that "fine line" and the illness, I have been very depressed and the feeling of no joy. Every year I get something for everyone in the family because it makes me happy. This year my brother and his wife have moved away; my niece and her husband and kids have moved and their parents will be traveling to TN to be with them so it is just going to be my dad, my roommate and myself.
I try very hard to be happy by listening to Christmas music, decorating the tree, wrapping gifts and baking for the neighbors. This year the pain has been so strong and the depression so heavy that I wonder if there will be the deep joy I so love at this time of the year. I have not been to church in a long time, not because I don't want to go, but I don't like going alone. Sunday I am making a diligent effort to go to a church 5 min from my home. Today I was with friends with home I taught. It is always wonderful to see them since I retired 3 yrs ago. My dad does not like going out in crowds and my roommate does volleyball officiating so when she is home, she is tired.
What I want for Christmas Present is to get into a right relationship with Jesus again. To read the Bible to hear from Him. I want to begin the year with new friends, Bible studies, etc. Having been raised in the church and having a Christian Education degree from college, not going to church leaves me feeling hollow and empty. This year, I want another miracle from God...one which brings me closer to Him.
As for Christmas Future....who knows? The world is in turmoil. God has been removed from everywhere but churches and even some of them are being told what and how to teach God's word. My wish for Christmas Future will be to sit at God's feet and sing songs of praise to Him. Really, that could be Christmas Present, except seeing Him face to face.
So for this Christmas I pray for each of you who reads this, to remember why we celebrate Christmas. It is about a Gift (not gifts)... the Gift of the Christ child. A Divine gift from God who gave His son to us to live, to preach, to be tortured, die and enter Hell for me (each and every one of us) He was raised from the dead and lives on high at God's right hand. Oh to sing his praises; to know him better and to understand the true meaning of why we celebrate Christmas.